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I had to use the r-word because that's what I believe in. The word can scare, it can alienate. I want to define my version of it, so it doesn't scare or alienate, and if it still does, tough shit. This is my blog, and my world. The only rule I'm giving myself is that I have to use the word revolution at least once in every blog. And I've already broken that one.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Amendment 28 (US born presidency)?
Faust: (To invisible Mephisto in front) You scratch my back for 24 years, I give you my soul forever, which I don’t even believe exists. In fact, I don’t think I have a soul, anyway, so I’d say that’s a bargain. (Mimes shaking hands) Done, done, and doner. (Scratches back of left shoulder. Looks at hand, mimes shaking again) Hmm, there’s something I’m supposed to remember about this. Why is it so familiar? (long pause. To Mephisto again) You’re not in the mood to talk. I respect that. I’d just kind of like to get this gnawing feeling out of my head, that’s all.
(mephisto whispers in ears)
Anonymous, FaustBuch, 1587 - Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus, 1604, - Gotthold Lessing, Faust, 1780 - Friedrich Maximilian Klinger, Faust, Leben blah blah, 1791 - Adalbert von Chamisso, Faust Ein Versuch, 1804 - Johann Wolfgang Goethe, Faust, 1808 - Christian Dietrich Grabbe. Don Juan und Faust, 1829 - Nikolaus Lenau, Faust: Ein something in german, 1836 - Hector Berlioz, The damnation of Faust, a musical, 1846 - Woldemar Nunberger, Josephus Faust, 1847, Heinrich Heine, Doctor Faust, 1851 - Franz Liszt, A faust symphony, 1854 - Charles Gounod, Faust, an opera, 1859 - Doctor Fausts Lights the Lights, Gertrude Stein, 1939 - Thomas Mann, Doctor Faust, 1950 -
Faust: Wait, so those are all about me? You’re nodding, ok, yes, they’re about me. Nice. I’m famous. I’m immortalized. And. Um. Who am I again? Youre smiling. You’re still smiling. You’re not still not talking. I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. A lot of things. Who are you again? Oh great, ok, you’re smiling again. Stop that, don’t do- what is that, that’s the most disturbing giggle I’ve ever heard. (Scratches back left shoulder)
Woman: Hey Fubby Bubby?
F: Yes, Sugar Plum?
W: Do you remember what my name is today, I forget.
F: Ummm. Damn. (To himself) What is it again?
Marlowe: Helen of Troy, of course.
Goethe: Margaret, otherwise known as Gretchen.
Stein: You boys don’t know anything about women. Her name is Marguerite Ida and Helena Annabel.
F: Aaa. Whoa. Hummm. (uber fast and anxious) Who are you and what are you doing in my necromantic demonic hallucination? Wait. What? I’m having a necromantic demonic hallucination?
Stein: Honey, you need to ease up a little.
F: I’m not going to EASE UP, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know who my girl is, and that little gnarly giggling dude won’t leave me alone and now you three...back on topic, who are you?
Stein: You should sing that.
Stein: Yeah, sing it, sing, singing is good, art is good, do you like this painting I bought today? The latest Matisse. The boy has such talent. I really wish he would stop hitting on Alice B in front of me though.
F: I don’t want to sing, I want to know who I am.
S: (hurt, little puppy) But I wrote an opera. People sing in operas.
F: What does your opera have to do with me?
Marlowe: Perhaps it’s time for me to step in. Christopher Marlowe, at your service, for no fee other than to acknowledge that it is I who created you.
Stein: Ha! Not!
Goethe: Preposterous! (stepping forward) Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe. Your benefactor for fame, my creation alone placing you in eternal prosperity.
Marlowe: Hardly. Mine is ever so much more interesting. You get your head cut off and rise up again, you meet the pope and beat the crap out of his friars, you get to shtup Helen of Troy, eh? Eh?
Stein: Yeah and then you go to HELL!
Faust: Whoa, back up. Ok so you all wrote about me. Not so keen on the hell part though. Why do I go to hell? And why don’t I remember that? (Scratches, getting a little more violent with the scratching)
(Stein, Goethe, and Marlowe wait for each other to explain.)
Faust: Wait. Something’s coming back....I thought I was tempted by the devil and I know no temptation is tempting unless the devil tells you so. And you wanted my soul what the hell did you want my soul for, how do you know I have a soul, who says so nobody says so but you the devil and everybody knows the devil is all lies, so how do you know how do I know that I have a soul to sell how do you know Mr. Devil oh Mr. Devil how can you tell you can not tell anything and I I who know everything I keep on having so much light that light is not bright and what after all is the use of light........(to Stein) I say this? You wrote this?
Stein: Oh, I didn't actually write it, I just got Dr. Seuss to smoke crack for a couple days and he wrote, I just put my name on the damn thing. No, just kidding. Dr. Seuss doesn't smoke crack. Crack is bad, kids, crack is bad.
Faust: So you did write it. What does it mean?
Marlowe: Ha, good luck figuring out what she ever means, the woman’s on another planet.
Stein: (Pompously) Every generation has the same thing to say they just say it differently. Huh. Did I actually say that? They say I say that, but I don't remember saying that.
Faust: See? Aha! See? Eh? Eh? See how trippy that feels? So STOP DOING IT TO ME!! Stop putting words in my mouth! (Scratching) Eeeeugh!
Marlowe: But we make you famous. Isn’t what you want?
Faust: (Considers) Huh. Fame. Fame is good. So what else can I get?
Stein: Toga party?
(Everybody looks at her oddly)
Faust: How about, figuring out who I am? I’m kind of having some identity issues here. (no response). Ok well, I go to hell. That must be because I’m trying to get something righteous like a cure for AIDS, or world peace, or even just an end to U.S. Empire right? That’s it, right? I?m all, Damn the Man, so then I get damned to hell because of some tragic twist of events right?
Marlowe: Oh get off it. Johann tries to make out like you’re some fallen hero. You’re just an asshole to start out with, and then you’re an asshole with a horrific amount of power.
Faust: What, am I president bush?
Marlowe: Nah, definitelly not him, the last time the devil tried to make a deal with him the devil got scared and hid behind a puppy.
Faust: Puppy. Puppy. That rings a bell?
Stein: Shhhh, don’t tell anyone he has a dog!
Faust: Who has a dog?
Stein: Because then he might not cure her cure her cure her.
F: Lady you got some reality check issues, ok? (Scratching furiously, looks down his shirt at the back of his shoulder) What the-! Whoa. I have a tattoo? (Looks closer, reads out) Never ever ever ever make a deal with Mephistopheles. (Looks at Mephistopheles with shocked and horrified realization) Oh crap. I did it again, didn’t I? Ok. Ah jeez.
Woman: Hey, my Magical Man?
F: Yes, pookie snookums?
W: What day is it today, I forget.
F: It’s Walpurgis Night tonight, yam cake. What the-! How do I know these things? What are you putting in my head, you evil scum?
W: Who are you talking to?
F: You don?t see the little crazy dude with the Tshirt that says “I’m with Satan” and an arrow pointing down?
F: (turns suspiciously to Stein, Goethe, Marlowe) But you all do? (they shrug. He has a slow realization while speaking, getting more and more horrified) That?s why you’re all obsessed with me! That’s why you write about me! You sold your soul to him too! All of you! (points to the other authors that said their names at the beginning), even the one that wrote this ridiculous scene we’re playing! And that’s how you all got famous! Aaaaaauuugh!
(Authors laugh devilishly, while Faust mutters and screams things like "The Devil is everywhere!" "Repent ye sinners!" "We are all Satan!")